This is a bad habit.

time travel

2009-07-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how to describe it other than - I AM MAD.

I can't wait for my cebu mini-vacation.

Madness

2009-06-18T04:11:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to apply more taoist-buddhist teachings in my life recently.

I was first inspired by a friend and I even told him that, and that I will try my best to follow in his footsteps as they say. As a result of this, I've been trying my best to laugh things off, more than I normally do.

And now, I face a predicament.

I feel anger. Anger that I do not like feeling.

I know that I should be kind and patient about these things, but recent crazy events have shown me that keeping your anger or some other negative emotions inside will not lead to any good, and may even lead to a nervous breakdown (or even a tumor, they say) in the future.

Then, yesterday, this message came to me -

If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own self with these emotions.

I know I should not let things that I read take control of my life, but, I must say, all this now confuses me. I don't want any BV (bad vibes) in my life right now, or ever. But what is it really that I need to do for me to be at peace with myself?

Is it a step by step thing?

A. You have to be kind and patient.

B. You cannot force yourself to be kind, to love, and to feel compassion for it would not be true.

C. You shouldn't keep your emotions bottled up inside.

Which comes before which?

How is it to let go of your anger without actually letting it go - out there in the open?

I WANT TOO MANY THINGS

2009-06-09T22:50:00.000-07:00

like concert tickets,

and wooden clogs,

and liquid leggings,

and hats,

and headbands,

and plane tickets,

and shoes,

and more shoes,

and tattoos,

and, finally, contentment.

I WANT CONTENTMENT.

fresh air

2009-06-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

Larry: You think because you don't love us, or desire us, or even like us, you think you've won.
Alice: It's not a war.

To Kirstie, CJ, Tiffie, Chantel, Claudine, Daisy, Missy, Micah, Dana, Hei, Crystal, Barbie, Pia (But mostly to the few who were first called)

You may never be able to read this, I know. But, just in case, there's a minute chance you do.
It's not a war. I stopped hating a long time ago. However long a time that may be imagined.
And this is not to say that I don't care, because I very much do.

It's not a war to me.
I may not love you, but I don't hate you.

NOW I'M MAD.

2009-06-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

If you're drunk, don't call me.

I'm not mad.

2009-06-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of happy actually.

No, not kind of.

I'm happy.

I'm happy that I have friends who are worth having and loving.

I'm happy to know that people, no matter how perfect, still have their flaws.

I'm happy because my family is so cool and crazy, but they never forget to care.

I'm happy that God made me a jack.

I'm happy because I love someone.

I'm happy because someone loves me...

no matter how crazy and difficult I can be.

no matter how big of an ass I am.

Life is love.

It's good to commemorate and appreciate these things :)

Tell Jesus, the bitch is back.

2009-05-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people try to figure me out

cause I don't even try to.

I hate it even more when people think that they've figured me out

cause I don't even think I have.

The tendency is to recent and to grow apart.

Last time, it even led to an abolition.

CAREFUL, BE.

And so here begins a journey of self-adoration, self-loathing, self-destruction, and self-preservation, which ultimately leads to the enlightenment of the self...

Hello.